Red Sox Make New Rule – No More Throws to Third Base


(warning: fictional account of the Boston Red Sox locker room)

St. Louis, Missouri –

After losing Game 2 of the World Series on Thursday due in part to a disastrous play that involved pitcher Craig Breslow overthrowing third base, the Red Sox lost Game 3 of the World Series on an errant throw Saturday night from catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia to the area near third baseman Will Middlebrooks.

The Red Sox held a team meeting after the brutal conclusion of Game 3 and came to a unanimous decision: From now until the conclusion of the World Series, no more throws will be made to third base.  In the event that a Cardinals base-runner is heading toward third base, a Red Sox player may either: a) run as fast as he can toward third base, in an attempt to tag out the runner, or b) hold the ball and walk toward the pitcher’s mound in a calm manner.

Manager John Farrell was overheard muttering to himself in the clubhouse, “Third f***ing base!  Third f***ing base! Third base!  I hate third base!”  Third base coach Brian Butterfield’s face was ashen.  When asked about the base, he replied, “Third base has been good to me over the years.  It was a good base during the Tampa series.  It helped us in the ALCS against the Tigers.  It’s a stubborn base, but it will come around.  We’ll keep running around the bases, but we’ve decided to stop throwing to third.  It’s the right decision.”

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