Breaking News: NBA Playoff Injury Updates (Wall, Rose, Gasol, etc.)

Warning: the situations described below are fictional. Do not treat these updates as news items, facts, or fact-based news items, though many of the situations described below may closely resemble the truth.

  • Washington Wizards point guard John Wall dribbled a basketball with his badly damaged left hand. He will be a game-time decision for Wednesday’s Game 5.
  • Chicago Bulls forward Pau Gasol got out of bed, put on his bathrobe, and grabbed at his hamstring. Then he poured himself some freshly brewed green tea. Gasol’s availability is up in the air, like hands that you wave when you just don’t care. Game-time decision for Thursday, Game 6.
  • Chicago Bulls guard Derrick Rose was seen grimacing throughout the night in his Chicago condominium. Wrist, shoulder, knees, and ankles are all possible body parts that led to the grimacing. Rose is expected to play in Thursday’s Game 6. And when he wins Game 6, he should be given a standing ovation by those Bulls fans.
  • minor_injuries_picture
  • Chicago Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau was seen asking for more Pepto-Bismol when the Bulls boarded their team bus for the airport. Thibodeau, as always, will coach despite the indigestion. It is all he has ever known.
  • Los Angeles Clippers point guard Chris Paul limped around the locker room after the Clippers Game 5 loss to the Houston Rockets. Paul will play in Thursday night’s Game 6. Los Angeles media members have been warned not to ask coach Doc Rivers or Chris Paul about the hamstring.
  • Houston Rockets shooting guard James Harden has a deflated ego. His ego was badly bruised when the MVP award was announced (and handed to Stephen Curry) last week. Harden has been spotted on many occasions between Game 2 and Game 5 scratching his beard and gazing off into the middle distance. He is expected to continue playing when Thursday’s Game 6 arrives. He will not speak to the media about the award voting. Harden also has the flu and despite the flu, messed around and got a triple-double in Game 5.
  • Golden State Warriors forward Marreese Speights has a strained calf. On Wednesday afternoon, after the team arrived back in San Francisco, Speights was seen resting his leg while drinking some fresh squeezed (and strained) orange juice.
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